רפא

Well, the PPP is officially over as of August 24th. I'm turning in the final product tomorrow with a mixture of joy and sadness. I have actually enjoyed doing this project although it's been wrought with small successes and what has felt like large failures. I have learned so much about myself and my ability to adhere to a major lifestyle change. I've learned that I have to reward myself for and rejoice over the "small" successes and fight to not beat myself up about the failures but just remind myself why i'm doing it and get back with the plan. I think finding my Tae Kwon do school and getting to know the people there has been the best part about this project. I'm not sure I would have had the motivation to do it otherwise and I am SO grateful! I want so badly to be healthy and I think that, even though i didn't meet some of my goals, the majority of the steps that I've taken throughout this project have been in the right direction. 

I got a tattoo! The title of this post is permanently on the inside of my right ankle. It is the Hebrew word "Rapha" which means "to heal, to make whole, to restore to rightness." It is part of the Hebrew name for God "Jehovah Rapha-the God who heals." I wrote it on my leg because I constantly need to be reminded that the Lord is healing me and making me whole and restoring me to rightness before Him both spiritually and physically. This project has been about wholeness and health and moving toward those things rather than away. My nursing career will be about wholeness and health and helping people move toward those things as well. My life is about wholeness and health and seeing the Lord transform me as I learn to worship Him. My prayer is that He would be glorified in all of these areas and that He would continue to remind me that I was made to stand in awe of Him...

So, to my flocks of readership, I thank you for reading. Who knows, maybe i'll be back!

I bid you Adieu! and I wish you patience, endurance, and joy on your own journey to health and wholeness!

vacation!

Well I'm in NY and this trip has been so good for my heart! It's been great to be away and with friends in the mountains of this beautiful state! 

As for exercise, it has not been lacking! I walked a few miles in the airport during my 3 hour layover (since i was in Detroit where the airport is like a mall, and i had several phone calls to make, it wasn't hard to do), we went rowing on the lake, kayaking, swimming, and the BEST part was the high ropes course that we did in Lake George called Adirondack Extreme! It was such a workout...I was sore for days afterward! It was so fun because it was very difficult but doable so it was VERY rewarding to make it to the finish! I was also able to go to Tae kwon do with my friend Leigh...I helped her teach the kids class and then took a class as well. It was so fun! The best part was being with Leigh since

 she and I "grew up" in Tae kwon do together when I first started :)

My PPP isn't perfect by any means but i'm making progress...

success...sort of!

Tae kwon do is going well! The summer has been challenging solely because of scheduling issues with clinical and vacation trips out of town but other than that, it's great! 

It's been harder getting back into it because of the 5 year break i unintentionally took. It was a lot easier to memorize my forms in high school when it was all i had to think about! My brain is so full these days!

So, it may take me a lot longer to get my 3rd degree black belt than normal but regardless of that, i'm getting to exercise at least 2 times a week more than i was before i started! 

yay!

yay! i feel like i'm actually making progress...by the grace of God, i've been pretty disciplined lately in the food area and i've been going to tae kwon do pretty regularly and i can tell it's making a difference!

i bought a new skirt yesterday to attempt to keep my motivation going :) it's really cute!

i love when i'm reminded how right Helen was on my first PPP check when she said "Amy, your body is not special, if you feed it correctly and exercise it, it will return to normal weight." she's so right...it really does happen, it just takes time and committment..

alas, it is nice to feel like i'm headed somewhere..and making progress in that direction..

ki-hap!

Taekwondo is officially my favorite way to exercise! I already knew that but I forgot how much i love it until i started back. The only sad part is that classes are Monday and Tuesday nights right in the midst of my clinical hours for the summer. I'll have to settle for less classes this summer and hopefully i can pick up some more in the Fall! It's a great workout and I love it so much more than just running on my own. There's something about being in a class full of people and periodically being allowed to hit things while shouting...It's very therapeutic :)

an old favorite

i'm stalled. still.

so, i'm starting Taekwondo back tonight. I went to the school on monday and talked to the instructor. He was elated that i wanted to join the school and was ready to offer me a part-time job teaching classes..i politely informed him that i don't have time :)

i'm dragging out my spiffy adidas uniform and the black belt that boasts 5 years worth of dust and i'm going to pray that my technique has held up through all these years of neglect.

i'm excited!

i'm going to see how it goes and hopefully make a plan of how many times a week i'll try and go depending on the scheduling and everything but it seems like it'll be great!

change.

we are creatures of habit...even when we know our habits are ruining us..

i got my PPP back today...the challenge from Helen was to change my actions because my project is stalled...

i just have such a terrible pattern...i can do well and lose 10 pounds but then i start eating too much again and i lose motivation and gain it back...then i do it again and again..

so, i'm going to start with walking...walking for at least 30 minutes as often as i can.

started tonight...we'll see how it goes.

try harder

wow, it's been almost a month since i posted last.

dear exams, you stole my life for a month. love, amy

right now i'm at the beach. i walked/ran yesterday for the first time in a while..

i went backpacking 2 weekends ago, packed 17 miles in VA...it was awesome. great exercise and sweet company :)

i'm trying. but this consistency in exercise just does not come naturally to me. ugh..

i should try harder. i decided.

agape

well, the PPP is kinda at a stand still...i've been working out but only like 2-3 days a week and my caloric intake has been higher than it should be for the past week...but i'm still pressing on...

I'm learning a lot from this project...or re-learning a lot of things that i learned very early in life...

1. it's harder to lose weight than it is to gain it
2. the healthy choice is never really the fun one
3. working out is not easy, nor is it always going to be something I want to do
4. i feel better when i eat well and exercise
5. it's really easy to come up with an excuse to choose the opposite of healthy
6. i need to remember that this "lifestyle change" is to the Lord's glory, i need to be reminded that He loves me and has made me worthy of health and that it's worth it to make these choices now
7. it takes a LONG time to see real results and to keep them
8. macaroni and cheese, chai tea lattes, and chocolate chip cookies are my weaknesses..

I'm convinced that this experience, like every other lifestyle change that i've ever had to make will help me to be increasingly empathetic toward my patients who are being asked to give up the things that they "love" for benefits that they can't always see or feel as worth it..we are weak and we like cookies and choosing what is good for us is not always number one on our list of things to do..

In Philippians, Paul is talking about straining toward the goal which is righteousness, healing, ultimate holiness for believers...he uses athlete imagery all the time because it's such a neat parallel to what it's like to walk with the Lord and fight for more of Jesus... "Not that i have already obtained this or am already perfect, but i press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own...I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:12,14 and in 1 Corinthians "Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. they do it to receive a perishable wreath, we an imperishable. So i do not run aimlessly; i do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."...Paul is talking about setting aside your selfish interests for the sake of loving other people and attaining wholeness...because the end goal is worth it...but i think this applies to a healthy lifestyle on a physical level, too...i set aside what i would rather eat to eat what is good, and i set aside what i would rather do to workout...because the end goal is worth it...

in great need..

well, with the help of my sister and my best friend laura who lives in minneapolis, i worked out 6 days in a row over spring break...and, let's be honest...for me, that's pretty incredible...so far, since being back, i've had to take a 2-day break for my poor knees that don't know what to think with all this running...but, i've been able to run 3 times since i've been back which is better than the track record before i left :)

i'm actually losing weight which is encouraging...although, i'll be honest, when i lose weight, it comes out of my boobs first which kinda ticks me off...i wish it would come out of my stomach or my hips or my massive thighs...haha..oh well, i guess weight off is better than weight on no matter where it comes from...

i can tell my stomach is shrinking, though...it can't hold as much as it once could..

went shopping a little bit the other day..i can wear a 14 again..and a large shirt..which is pretty nice..

i'm praying that i can retain my motivation to work out and stop eating desserts just cause they taste good...ugh...

time for bed..

not so prevented...

well, it's SPRING BREAK! finally...it's so time for a break...

in the realm of personal prevention, i'm realizing that i have terrible time management skills since i've barely managed to get the tests studied for and the assignments turned in on time this month, much less actually exercise...frisbee golf and walking from school to the parking lot everyday have pretty much been my only forms of exercise for a few weeks now...it's hard to add something to your schedule when you're just trying to survive...but i do realize that i'm good at making excuses and not so good at making decisions, getting off my lazy tail, and executing a plan...

the goal for break is to do some sort of physical activity every day...we'll see if i can do it!

well, i officially stink at personal prevention...apparently, i'm not very good at making time to exercise when i have a test to study for, clothes to wash, sleep to get, and friends to talk to...this past week has been sort of a bust in the exercise department but i've been eating pretty well so i figure that's better than nothing, right? yeah, i know i need to "tighten up" as my dad would say...after thursday's pharm test, i'm on it!

did my fitness assessment last week...it didn't tell me much that i didn't already know...186 lbs., 5'8", BMI of 28.9, overweight, 39% body fat, BP 122/79, rest HR 72, fair heart rate recovery, 'very excellent' flexibility (according to buff PT student)...and that's all. My assessment was, at least i have my flexibility and good BP going for me...and at least i'm not obese...been there, done that, not going back...

:)

extra, extra...

well, i made an appointment to get my fitness assessment next week even though i've already started working out...i'm just going to make it one of my steps...should be fun..ha!

i lost my ipod last week...today, i ran without it and it was way harder than i thought it would be...i'm not sure i'm going to survive this project without it...we'll see...

still working on the official proposal for the project but i think it's coming along well...

i got a few laughs tonight as i started to eat a cupcake while saying "uh oh, this is not gonna be good for my personal prevention project!" :)

is there really time?

i did really well last week...3 days, i ran 5.5 mph for 20 minutes, and walked 4.1 mph for 10...then, lifted weights and stretched...i really do love to exercise when i really have the time..

this week, i'm beginning to see that this is going to be very difficult seeing as i can hardly stay awake to study after a day of clinical...the question is, will i be able to really fit this in during this crazy season of my life? we'll see...

i've decided my empirical evidence will be my weight and body measurements...hope that's good...i still have to check with Helen...

i'm also keeping a food journal...i've done this off and on my whole life and it's really good for me to have a little perspective on how much of what i'm putting into my body every day...for me, it's all about portion sizes :) much easier talked about than actually adjusted...

ok, time to study..

will power on demand...

health=O.E. hælþ "wholeness, a being whole, sound or well," from PIE *kailo- "whole, uninjured, of good omen" (cf. O.E. hal "hale, whole;" O.N. heill "healthy;" O.E. halig, O.N. helge "holy, sacred;" O.E. hælan "to heal").

i love words.

there's this quote by Elisabeth Elliot "God will never disappoint us. He loves us and has one purpose for us: holiness (wholeness, health, healing), which in his Kingdom equals joy."

this is not just about my body...it's not just about losing weight..it's about being healthy..

it's cool that God is definitely redeeming my heart and my soul in making me holy, but He's also a God of physical redemption, a God who is passionate about healing, who loves health and making things whole. if i've learned one thing in my walk with Jesus, it's that personal holiness feeds your ministry...maybe it's the same in healthcare, that personal health feeds your ability to help lead others to health..

well, here it is...day 1 of the journey to a healthier life. it's crazy to me that we're doing this now, during one of the busiest, most stressful seasons of life, but i like it. i, for one, am a champ at putting off goals because "life is too hectic" or "i don't have time"...maybe this assignment will finally give me the will power i need to actually make a lifestyle change.

the assignment is "select an area of your health that involves a lifestyle change or modification"--and change it. simple enough, right? ha! the project spans 7 months but i think mine needs to span the rest of my life.

so, the goal is broad right now (soon to become much more specific)..to exercise, eat better, and lose some weight.

the byproducts are thousand-fold...for me, this means workout time for stress to leave my body, having more energy and less joint pain, feeling better, maybe stopping my celebrex, having a healthier heart...and so many other things..

but it also means committment to my goals, will-power that i tend to lack, saying "no" to a lot of things that i love and "yes" to some things that aren't particularly my favorite, managing my time so that i can meet goals and still get my work done (and sleep!), learning to make healthy choices according to what's best, not necessarily what i want at the time...and so many other things..

today, i went to scope out the gym situation...i ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill, stretched, and lifted weights...i think that will be the format that i continue throughout the project...i need to figure out a way to document what i do..i guess i need to figure out how closely i want to follow it, like do i want to document miles, reps, calories burned, etc. or do i want to do more general stuff...we'll see..i'm gonna need to make a plan with milestones and goals and such...

lots to do still...but deciding to do it is the first step, right? :)